Year A Proper 18 Matthew 18: 15-20

When I was a child there was a game I played with friends called “Telephone.” All the children sat in a big circle and one child began the game by whispering something in the ear of the child next to them. This message was passed from child to child until it reached the very last one in the circle. The last listener would then repeat the message out loud.

I clearly remember the week we had all memorized the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag. The first child in the circle must have whispered, “And to the republic for which it stands,” but when the very last child repeated these words, they came out “To the justice and witness stand.” When we were told what had been said originally, we all roared with laughter. It’s funny when it’s a game – how garbled things become when we whisper behind other people’s backs, but in real life it’s another story entirely, and in the Church it is destructive and sinful.

Jesus said, “If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone.”

In today’s Gospel Jesus is speaking to the disciples. The fact that He has taken the time to give them directions for dealing with the situation described in the Gospel lets us know that such problems are part of human nature, were anticipated by Jesus, and are therefore going to happen. Jesus, knowing this, is also hopeful that if the two injured parties meet in private, things can be worked out. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one.

But, as we all know, sometimes things aren’t that simple. A person who feels they have been wronged by another, are, depending on their level of anger, often likely to go and tell their grievance to a friend or family member, or anyone who will listen (just think about some of the things that angry people post online these days). This is not where we, as Jesus’ followers are told to begin. We begin one on one.

But if/when this does not work, we are told, “If you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses.”

Why two or three witnesses? Because Jesus knows the Law and what is written in the scroll of Deuteronomy, where it is stated that a single witness shall not prevail against a person for any crime or for any wrong in connection with any offense that the person has committed; only on the evidence of two witnesses, or of three witnesses, shall a charge be sustained. Thinfs must follow a proper and well-established order, in the hopes that everything can be resolved.

If this second solution fails, as the very last resort, the situation is to e brought before the Church – which I’m sure you all know is not the building we meet in, but us, the congregation of believers. And it is here that the two original people involved in the once private conflict have a final chance to repent. For that is what we are all called to do – repent. If they do so, then all is again well, but if not – Jesus’ next pronouncement is chilling.

If the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

That - is a pronouncement of excommunication. Who would have thought that something we use as a children’s game, whispering behind each other’s backs, could in real life situations have such final and fatal consequences for our soul?

Realistically, excommunication doesn’t seem to happen in the Congregational Church. A certain social shunning, however, is another matter altogether. Following Jesus’ instructions also seems to not happen often enough.

In many congregations, in many families, in life, the rule we follow seems to be, “If someone sins against you, run around telling everyone that you’ve been wronged, start a lot of gossip, but by no means speak directly to the person who has upset you.”

This problem is so common we have a name for it, Triangulation, which according to the dictionary means, “The use of multiple sources and methods to gather similar information.” In the Church, however, it means “disaster”. Jesus tells us to go directly to the individual we feel has wronged us and speak the truth to them, but, as we all have probably experienced, for many reasons we find this difficult.

We are afraid that our words will cause anger and we don’t like facing the possibility of unpleasantness. Then, too, we are proud. We feel we are right, and the other person is wrong. Why should we have the responsibility of making the first move? It’s so much easier to talk behind someone’s back, creating an atmosphere of tension and distrust, while forgetting our responsibility as Jesus’ followers, to love one another as He has loved us.

Even if we do go through the process ad Jesus has told us to, go through the “process”, and if/when we get to that final awful place, “If the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector,” if we are not the one deemed to be the “offender”, we may actually breathe a sigh of relief. If we’ve checked all the boxes for responsible Christian conflict and still have gotten nowhere, we can shun and push aside these troublemakers. Hurrah!

But it turns out that we are not off the hook at all. Why? …Let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.” We’re not off the hook, because of the way Jesus treated gentiles and tax collectors. We’re expected to learn from His words and actions toward them, and apply what we have learned to our fellow church members.

Jesus treats tax collectors – with mercy, with invitation, with curiosity and with an eye toward their potential for growth and service to the Kingdom. Matthew, one of the 12 apostles, was a tax collector, and Jesus called him right from his money table to become a disciple. When Jesus tells us that we are to treat the most stubborn and contrary Church members like tax collectors, He’s telling us to treat them like members of His inner circle, disciples who are key to the spreading of the Word.

What about gentiles? If we are to treat church members with whom we disagree as gentiles, how does Jesus teach us by example to behave toward them?

Not long ago in our Gospel lesson we heard the story of the Canaanite woman who begged Jesus to heal her daughter. He initially refused, saying that the food for the children of Israel cannot be given to the dogs. Her clever and persistent response, “Yes, Lord, yet even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters’ table,” convinces Him to change His mind.

If our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, who was perfect and without sin, can be persuaded to soften and gentle and change His mind about someone, we, His followers, are called to do the same. Jesus was not afraid to really listen to and be changed by what He heard. Jesus doesn’t give us the option of excluding or getting rid of the troublemakers. Instead, He offers us a way to include them and love them as He himself would do.

We are the baptized, and each of us is a part of the Body of Christ. We have been given a responsibility by God. We must approach our brother or sister or non-binary friend or family member with love in our hearts and trust in our Lord, and when we open our mouths to speak, we must not indulge ourselves by speaking self-righteous, angry words. We must speak the truth with kindness, concern, and humility.

But we protest, some people, we insist, are just downright nasty, angry, and unresponsive. Mother Tersa had a way of treating people like that. She saw in them “Jesus in a distressing disguise”. “Oh,” we say, “this is ridiculous. We aren’t saints.” No – but we are all called to be saints, and no one ever said that being Jesus’ friend would be comfortable or easy.

In today’s Gospel, Jesus concludes “Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.”

We have the power to bind and to loose. With the choices we make, we can bind each other even tighter into our separate camps and polarized positions. We can loose each other out into a world without the benefit of a Christian community, driving each other away with wounds that bleed for years to come.

Or we can loose ourselves from our pride and our ever-present need to be right. We can loose one another from assumptions and stereotypes and bitterness. We can loose our lives and the lives of all those we encounter from the fear of conflict. And then we can bind ourselves together with the unbreakable Love of Christ, refined, healed and flourishing with new life.

Difficult though it may be to do as Jesus tells us, the Good News is that when we speak the truth directly and lovingly to our brother or sister or non-binary friend or family member, we are not alone. Our Lord has promised us, “Where two or three are gathered together in my name, I am there in the midst of them.’”

Let us pray:

Look with pity, O heavenly Creator, upon us all. Have mercy upon us. Help us to eliminate our selfishness, our pride, and all that holds us back from speaking the truth and offering our love to each other, even those we see as our enemies. Help us, by whatever means we have, to heal those rifts that come between us, and to turn sorrow into joy. Guide us, God, that we may live in the Truth and, according to Your command, be instruments of your love, and peace; all this we ask in Jesus’ Name. Amen.